Dating and relating in the modern world has become complicated as life and society has become complicated. You now have unlimited options, the old ideas don’t seem to work anymore. How does anyone thrive in such a complicated place. This is Modern Relaters Guide to Navigating the Chaos and the Confusion that is common in the world of relationships by Jim O’Connor Psychotherapist and Relationships Counsellor.
Introducing the R-Blog and Jim O’Connor
I am Jim O’Connor psychotherapist relationships counsellor and creator of the R-Blog. In my practice I teach people how to navigate the complex world of modern relationships. I help them become great relators and find other great relators. I teach them strategies to overcome the problems they face in their relationships every day so they can create the kind of relationship they love being in and a whole lot more.
Welcome to the Relationships-Blog
Welcome to the Relationships Blog or R-blog for short. The R-blog is dedicated to giving you all the information, skills and strategies you need to thrive in the modern world of relationships despite the chaos and confusion that is out there.
It will also teach you how to identify, understand and avoid the traps, and dangers that are common out there in the world of relationships. You’ll learn how to become a great relator so you can go on to find your own great relator. It will teach how to turn arguing into solutions, how to massively improve your communications and most importantly how to connect. In short, if it has anything to do with navigating the complex world of modern relationships and creating the kind of relationship that will work for you and not against you we’re going to cover it.
First in the Series
Let me ask you some questions. Are you someone who is looking for the right partner but don’t really know how to go about finding them? Or are you in an established relationship and you’ve noticed that you’re arguing and bickering all the time making you question whether you want to stay or you want to fix it?
Or are you in an abusive relationship and you think you should leave and you’re not sure how. Or maybe you’re somebody who simply wants to create kind of wonderful satisfying and fulfilling relationship that you’ve always wanted but you don’t necessarily know how?
You’re Not Alone
Well if so you’re not alone. These are just some of the more common problems, that you have to find answer to if you want to become a great relator, find another great relator and go on to create the satisfying and fulfilling relationship you want. What’s crazy is many of these problems have answers.
The Real Problem Is
The real problem is not do we have the answers, the skills and the strategies that we need to solve most of the problems we face every day. The real problem is getting those answers to the people who need them in the easiest and most effective way possible. That’s why I decided to start the R-Blog. I want to bring the answers, the skills the strategies that you need to you in easy to understand and adopt ways.
So lets’ Get Started
I’m going to ask you some really important questions, and the way you answer them will drastically impact the way you understand and relate to others.
While all these questions are useful, I think there are even more important questions that you have to address first so you can get off on the right foot from the start.
1. What is relating?
2. What is good relating?
3. What’s a relationship or partnership?
4. What’s a good relationship or partnership?
5. What makes a good relationship?
6. What makes a bad relationship?
7. How do you get out of a bad relationship?
8. How do you become a great relater?
9. How do you attract another great relater?
10. How do you strengthen your relationship?
Having a Framework of Understanding Makes it All So Much Clearer and Easier
Here’s the thing. It’s important that we all have a framework of understanding of relationships and relating that works. I believe it that framework has to be based on what people in successful relationships do and what the research into the science, psychology, skills and strategies of great relating tells us we need to do.
So, let’s start building a framework that works. And step one starts with the most important of all the questions. What is a relationship?
Take the time to really think about these two questions. So, what was your answer?
Here are some of the more common answers to this question.
1. It’s a connection.
2. It’s chemistry
3. It’s loving and kind and it makes you happy.
4. It should be easy, fun and natural.
5. I’ve got no idea.
Be Careful How You Answer These Questions
The way you answer this question directly informs your expectations, your intentions, your rules and your values. It directly impacts the way you relate. Let me explain.
If you think a relationship is a connection, then how do you go about creating that connection? What happens when you don’t feel connected, does that mean your relationship is over? What the x!@$# is a connection anyway and how do you make that happen?
Let Me Explain Why the Way You Answer These Questions, Impacts How You Relate.
If you Think Relationship Is All About Chemistry
What happens if you think a relationship is about chemistry and you find that things change because babies come along and the old chemistry thing starts to struggle under the weight of dirty nappies. Or your chemistry becomes the victim of work stress? Or your chemistry becomes the victim of work stress? You might think there is something wrong with your relationship when you’re really just tired.
If You Think Relating is About Loving, Kindness, and Happiness
If you think a relationship is loving and kind and should make you happy, what happens when you’re tired, you’ve got the flu and neither of you feel happy? Is the relationship over?
What if you think that it should be easy, fun and natural? What happens when It’s not fun, what happens, when it isn’t easy because you or your partner are angry? Is your relationship done?
If You Think Relationships Should Be Easy, Fun and Natural
What if you think that it should be easy, fun and natural? What happens when It’s not fun, what happens when it isn’t easy because you or your partner are angry? Is your relationship done?
If You Have No Idea What Relating and Relationships Are all About
What happens when you honestly have no idea what a relationship is? Then you might find yourself drifting from one to another never really being able to tell if you’ve got a good one or a bad one?
There is a Lot to Get Clear About
So there are lots of questions to think about. And it’s important that you think about these questions because having the best answers massively increases your chances of having the best relationship. Why? Because you’ll know all the principles, skills and strategies that you need to navigate the chaotic and confusing world of modern relationships successfully.
For the moment take the time to think about these two most fundamental of all questions, what is relating and what is a relationship. In the next posts, we’re going to start to answer these and a whole bunch more.
Until next time
I’m Jim O’Connor, contact Clear Day Counselling & Coaching on 02 9420 0788 for Relationship Counselling and other services such as Drug and Alcohol, Executive Coaching, Life Coaching and Confidence Coaching.